Review: Sex Tape

by Trevor Kirkendall

★

“Sex Tape.” You can probably already gather what this film will entail just based on the name. Perhaps I have a minor spoiler or two toward the end of this review. But let’s be honest: you already know how this film begins and ends and everything else in between just from watching the trailer. But my star rating says it all: “Sex Tape” is just bad.

The movie stars Cameron Diaz and Jason Segel as Annie and Jay, a couple of married sex addicts who aren’t too pleased with the way their life has gone since they aren’t able to engage in sexual congress as much as they would like. Their married lives have gotten in the way of their ability to fornicate whenever the mood strikes them. They both have jobs. Annie writes for a mommy-centric blog that’s about to be bought out by some kind of family company. It’s never fully explained what the company does. All we know is Rob Lowe runs the company. Jay works for a radio station I suppose (again, it’s never really fully explained). He gets a ton of free iPads and gives all his old ones out to friends, family, and the mailman with musical playlists he’s super proud about.

Annie bemoans on her blog about losing the spark of sex and wonders how to get it back. Well, it’s not a spark that’s been lost. It’s called being married with children and being busy. So right off the bat, they lost me. Are we to understand that this good-looking couple with careers and kids aren’t happy because they can’t find the time to fit in a little intercourse? The marriage doesn’t appear to be falling apart, they just want to have some fun like the used to before kids came along. Right up front, act one fails to convincingly draw the audience into their personal issues.

After Annie thinks she sold her blog to Rob Lowe’s company, she and Jay decide to celebrate. They drop the kids off with Annie’s mom (Nancy Lenehan) and get ready for a night of sexual adventures. Unfortunately, they’re out of practice so things don’t really go too well for them. They start drinking and decide they should tape themselves with the iPad. After three drunken hours of wild fun, Annie asks Jay to erase the video from the iPad. Jay doesn’t, and the video ends up getting synched up with all the other iPads he handed out to friends, family, and the mailman. A text from an unknown number congratulating them on the video has them very concerned about who else has the video. They set out on a nightlong adventure to retrieve the iPad’s from their friends before more people see it. They enlist the help of their friends Robby and Tess (Rob Corddry and Ellie Kemper) to help them out, even though they really enjoyed the video.

A premise this simple and asinine makes for a very predictable film. I could tell you how it turns out, but you already know. And how is this film not funnier? You would think a movie starring Jason Segel about a missing sex tape filled with sex jokes would be funny. It’s not. The screenplay from Kate Angelo, Segel, and Nicholas Stoller is filled with every cliché in the screenwriting book (or perhaps, the how-not-to-write-a-screenplay book).

This seems to be a bit of a one-off for director Jake Kasdan. His work on previous films suck as “Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story” and “Bad Teacher” has not been exceptional, but merely acceptable. He completely misfires with “Sex Tape.” There’s an overall theme that his film tries to portray, but it’s never really tied together with the rest of the plotline. There’s that ‘ah-ha’ moment up toward the end with some nice dialogue that talks about what we all learned, but it doesn’t tie in with the set up we were given at the beginning.

The whole idea is that this couple needs to complete their adventure before being sexually attracted to one another again. But I never bought that idea. They are in love. They are attracted to each other. They just get wrapped up in this little thing known as life. Things that were once important to you aren’t as important as you grow older. So the film should be about growing up. Instead it’s about trying to find a certain spark again, which I don’t believe these characters ever lost.

Maybe you’re sitting there thinking I’m being too critical about a movie called “Sex Tape,” but I don’t think I’m out of line. Too often we find movies today that aren’t well developed. They’re rushed through story departments just because they have a high concept and an A-list star attached. And when you rush a script through like that, you end up missing some of the basic pillars of story structure. And apparently you lose out on good jokes too. How is this movie not funnier? Better jokes would have made this film at least a little tolerable. But at only 94 minutes in length, the pain and misery doesn’t last long.

Review: The Counselor

by. Joe Moss
★★½

The latest Ridley Scott venture, "The Counsleor," is a sexy, thrill ride of drugs, debauchery, double-crosses and death all rolled into an all-star ensemble cast. While there is a little lag time throughout the film, there is plenty of high octane (or rather high testosterone/estrogen) to quickly get a rise out of the viewer almost instantly after the lulls.

Michael Fassbender (The Counselor) is a generic lawyer who mixes with some seedy, wanton, yet EXTREMELY high priced clientele. With these various connections, he finds himself at the crux of a 'deal he cannot refuse' to make mucho dinero mas rapido--a deal centered on international cocaine smuggling. A deal he takes with minimal thought to continue to support his lavish lifestyle inclusive of the mountain-top views of New Mexico, the Bentley convertibles, and the 8 carat diamond ring for his finance, Laura (Penelope Cruz). But...as all of these schemes do, this deal goes south quickly due to a few errors that seem just TOO coincidental. Killed runners and missing trucks all linking back to Fassbender's character do not ingraicate him to the finaciers. Excuses and crying abounds, yet the drug barons could care less, they simply want their money and they want it immediately--or else. For all of the plotting and running, Laura pays the ultimate price even though she was the clueless by-stander in all things.

Fassbender's chief connection to the crime world, Reiner (Javier Bardem), seems to float through life without a care. While he helps set the deal, he offers absolutely no insight whatsoever into how to actually handle the stress when things go wrong. He and his sexy girlfriend, Malkina (Cameron Diaz), run a bar, raise cheetahs, and throw wild parties with seemingly endless supplies of cash, drugs, and liquor. Westray (Brad Pitt), Fassbender's seecond contact, supplies the common sense and guidance; but even he doesn't listen to his own advice in the end. Once the events of the double-cross are set into motion, nobody is safe from the vengeance to come.

Cormac McCarthy's (No Country for Old Men) story-line is mesmerizing and true-to-life in the twists and turns, yet the movie falls just a little flat and almost one dimensional. There were many cliches embedded throughout the film that showed an extreme lack of vision. With the all-star cast assembled, there should have been a little more use of Penelope Cruz's character than the (maybe) 10 minutes of screen time allotted. I would liked to have seen a little more back-story on Fassbender's character to show how he really became associated with this underworld. And the use of Rosie Perez in the film should have had more than 4 minutes, considering how her role becomes integral in the downfall of all things Fassbender. However, that said, the screen time for Cameron Diaz was nothing short of amazing.

Cameron Diaz epitomized the sexy, temptress double-crossing femme fatale in this role. She OWNED the entire cast from the get-go. Her character Malkina, intertwined herself into every wrinkle, and fold of the goings-on and did it with such aplomb and wiliness that not once was she suspected of her deception. People treated her like a backdrop to the setting, and she used this to her advantage. I feel that Cameron Diaz is OSCAR-WORTHY for this role and would feel it an extreme injustice if she is not mentioned repeatedly in the coming months. The movie truly starred and showcased her acting ability. Cameron absolutely stole the entire movie!!

Final recommendation--Go see this if you desire a movie that is about the pitfalls of the drug-trade mixed with an almost X-rating AND if you really want to see that Cameron Diaz can act.